Occasionally when I’m low on writing material and the hipsters in the park don’t oblige me with yoga to write about, I’m forced back to my Trimet riding ways.
Since I’ve moved into Portland, I’ve had very little cause to ride Trimet. My bike gets me everywhere I need to go with only slightly more chance of bodily harm.
However, yesterday, I was tired and low on ideas, so I boarded #14 and just rode for a while, notebook in hand, waiting for something to happen.
I was shocked by how boring the ride was. The most interesting thing that happened was that I discovered a new coffee shop.
But after we reached the end of the line and headed back into town, things got more interesting.
The previously deserted (except for me) bus suddenly started filling at an alarming rate. I grudgingly removed by bag from the seat next to me as I noted fewer and fewer open seats.
Then, at a particularly active stop, a guy got on the bus and headed straight for the back, where I was seated.
I watched him as he approached, sizing him up, deciding whether or not I should feel intimidated.
Over six feet tall– intimidation factor of 1.
Neck tattoos– intimidation factor of 2, (ridiculous factor of 3.)
Basketball attire– intimidation factor of 1.
But more than anything, I noticed the guy’s eyebrows. He had the angriest eyebrows I’ve ever seen. It was like there was a magnet in his nose that was attracting the corners of his eyebrows. Intimidation factor of 5.
Total Intimidation Points– 9.
As I evaluated him, the guy stepped up and sat down beside me. Fortunately I hadn’t been taking notes on him (yet) so I didn’t have to worry about him seeing what I thought about his angry eyebrows.
The bus began moving again, and he reached down to dig around in his backpack. I pretended to look out the window, which had forehead marks on it. Disgusting.
Eyebrow guy pulled something out of his bag, and I glanced over, wondering if his Intimidation Factor was about to go up.
With a look of innocence and purity, the Man with the Angriest Eyebrows was shuffling through a deck of Magic: The Gathering cards. Intimidation factor of -10.
Total Intimidation Points by the time he moved to a vacant seat– 0.
Which just goes to show that you should never judge anyone by their appearance.