About a year ago, I wrote a blog about how I had decided that it was time and I was going to get fit.
Well, let’s just say it didn’t happen.
To be fair to myself, I’ve had some setbacks, and a lot of excuses. But today as I’ve been mulling over it, I realized my biggest roadblock with fitness is fear and shame.
I’m ashamed that I am not capable of the things I feel like I should be able to do, and I’m afraid of experiencing the self-shaming when I fail. I hate that when the sun is shining I still can’t run more than a couple of miles, so I’m really going to get in shape this time because I’ve decided to make this summer the best one ever.
I hesitate to even write this post, because last time I wrote about fitness it didn’t help keep me on track like I intended.
But I’m hoping that airing my roadblocks will help me stay committed this time. I’ve been running, which is a new thing for me, but there are at least three 5ks I’m going to do this summer.
So many people I know talk about how great running feels, and unfortunately I’m not at that point just yet. During a given run, there will be moments where I’m like “THIS IS AWESOME,” but really, to keep going I have to play games with myself. My favorite is “Oh shit there’s a zombie,” so that’s how I get my sprints in anyway.
I don’t work out because it feels good. Working out feels bad and I don’t like it.
But I am, this time, learning that it’s worth it.
Feeling bad for half an hour is completely worth it to feel good for the rest of the day.