My Relationship with Fitness, Revisited

About a year ago, I wrote a blog about how I had decided that it was time and I was going to get fit.

Well, let’s just say it didn’t happen.

To be fair to myself, I’ve had some setbacks, and a lot of excuses. But today as I’ve been mulling over it, I realized my biggest roadblock with fitness is fear and shame.

I’m ashamed that I am not capable of the things I feel like I should be able to do, and I’m afraid of experiencing the self-shaming when I fail. I hate that when the sun is shining I still can’t run more than a couple of miles, so I’m really going to get in shape this time because I’ve decided to make this summer the best one ever.

I hesitate to even write this post, because last time I wrote about fitness it didn’t help keep me on track like I intended.

But I’m hoping that airing my roadblocks will help me stay committed this time. I’ve been running, which is a new thing for me, but there are at least three 5ks I’m going to do this summer.

So many people I know talk about how great running feels, and unfortunately I’m not at that point just yet. During a given run, there will be moments where I’m like “THIS IS AWESOME,” but really, to keep going I have to play games with myself. My favorite is “Oh shit there’s a zombie,” so that’s how I get my sprints in anyway.

I don’t work out because it feels good. Working out feels bad and I don’t like it.

But I am, this time, learning that it’s worth it.

Feeling bad for half an hour is completely worth it to feel good for the rest of the day.

That’s all.

  1. this sums up my experience with fitness perfectly.

  2. me too! Give me a ball and a goal to make and I’m all in. Running for getting in shape’s sake is pure misery. I’ll have to try the shit! there’s a zombie game — that’s a good one.

    • Seriously, most days pretending I’m being chased is the only thing that’ll get me moving because I grew up playing sports. But good news! Running is starting to feel better and better. :)

  3. It’s really hard when you try something and your body doesn’t respond the way you want it to. It’s that way for me and dance. The good news, though, is that with a bit of persistence, you’ll find you get better at it. Take the time to really notice everything about it, and celebrate the little, incremental changes. For me, that’s helped keep me motivated, and it’s helped me to battle my negative body image, to boot. It’s harder to feel negative about my body when I notice that, hey, I can balance eh pointe better than I used to, or I can get closer to the floor than I did before. At that point, you start to become proud of yourself and your body for improving. Best luck! Also, I don’t know if you know about it, or if you have an iPhone, but I’ve heard the Zombies! Run app is a lot of fun. I’m also a fan of Fitocracy, which gives you points and has levels and challenges like a video game.

    • You’re completely right. Running is feeling better and better since I’ve written this post! And it makes me happy that you used dance as an example since I used to do ballet as well :) (I’m publishing a blog about that on Friday if you’re interested.) Sadly my smartphone isn’t smart enough to have awesome apps like that. I’m totally going to try them when I upgrade though!

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting! It means a lot to me!

      • Fitocracy has a website you can use (, as well as an app, so you don’t have to wait if you want to use it. I know there are loads of people on there who run, lots of groups for it, too. I’m so glad that you’re feeling better about it! It’s hard to keep pushing, but when you hit that wall, that’s when you start to really get somewhere. You’ll keep hitting the wall all the time, but the thing to remember is, the wall is moving farther and farther with you. I can’t wait to read your post on Friday :)

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