Just Say No.


Okay, this may be a surprise to you, but I really try not to complain too much on this blog. Obviously I’m not too successful, but I try to keep the tone here funny and/or thoughtful, not just random whining.

Just know that I try.

Today, though,  I just have to complain a little.

Everyone who makes out in coffee shops should be smacked.

Harsh, right? No. Not harsh. That’s what I call justice, kids. Batman style.

First of all, people who make out in coffee shops should be smacked because nobody wants to see that. If you’re too young to be making out in bars, old enough to be wanting to get all smoochy, but still not old enough to have learned that PDAs are the opposite of cool and nobody wants your sloppy kisses all up in their business, you need to be smacked.

Next, people who make out in coffee shops should be smacked because why do you enjoy having an unwilling audience? It seems like your makeouts would be much more enjoyable in the privacy of home, car, forest, closet, or tall stacks of books.

Also, people who make out in coffee shops should be smacked because coffee breath is gross. Unless you enjoy that sort of thing, in which case you should still be smacked because what if your partner doesn’t like it and the people the next table over probably don’t like it either.

Finally, people who make out in coffee shops should be smacked because of kissy sounds. Even worse than being subjected to the sight of two people exchanging sloppy kisses is being subjected to the sound of aforementioned sloppy kisses.

If your affections are just so unbearable that they have to overflow into smooches over a cup of coffee, you should just have coffee in your house where your fellow coffee drinkers won’t be made nervous, and your barista won’t be filled with the desire to exact a Batman-like ninja justice and smack you.

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  1. Yes! Kissy sounds should NOT drown out the espresso machine!

    • Hahaha, kissy sounds shouldn’t even be a thing in a coffee shop!

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