I spent the last week in my hometown, with my family and friends, because I was feeling desperately homesick.

While being in Redmond cured my homesickness,  I had a weird realization after a couple of days.

Even though Portland doesn’t feel like home yet, Redmond doesn’t feel like home any more.

It was kind of a bizarre revelation, and I don’t really understand it.

I suppose it has something to do with all the changing that has been going on in me in my time in Lake Oswego. I guess I expect to come back to Redmond and be the same as I was before, but I’m not.

It’s like when I’m back there, I start to revert into the person I was three months ago before I moved, and I don’t want to.

When I was home I was talking about growing up with my little sister. I was worried that I wasn’t treating her like the person she’s become, and she said something that was much wiser than her fifteen years warrants.

“While you’ve been gone I’ve been finding out who I am, and when you’re back it’s like I forget what I found.”

When I’m in my former environment, I forget who I’ve become in the few months I’ve been away.

I guess growing up is always a little strange and melancholy like that. Even though I’ve never wanted to stay the same and I’m very glad I’m undergoing some huge personal changes, the person I was three months ago was all right. I liked her okay, and I’m a little sad to learn how completely she’s gone.

But the new Bethany doesn’t know how to live the Old Bethany’s life, so when I’m at home I feel desperately out of place. I’m still in an awkward phase where my new home feels out of place, too.

Here’s to growing up.

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