Why the Internet scares me

I fully admit to my love of the internet. I find the things I can learn and find to be enjoyable, at times immensely so.

But sometimes, the Internet scares me.

It’s not e-stalkers that scare me, or cyber-bullies, or anything the media has hyped it up to be. Rather, the extent my addiction takes frightens me, and the ways it’s starting to affect my real world life.

Hell, the fact that I can (and have to) differentiate between my online life and my real-world life scares me.

The Internet has exacerbated my worst personality traits– poor memory, and ADD-like tendencies.

Even as I write this blog post, I have six or seven other tabs open (a downgrade from my usual 20,) and I keep swapping in between tabs every time I can’t think of what to say next.

I browse webcomics. I browse Amazon. I refresh a couple of social networks. Whenever I’m not actively writing a blog, I refresh to see how many views I’ve gotten that day.

It’s like addictive channel-surfing, only my remote is my whims (and stumbleupon) and my channels are limitless.

Only recently have I noticed my worst personality traits. I’ve known for years that I have a short attention span, and thus have a hard time remembering things, but over the last few weeks I’ve had at least three conversations with my mother in which she swore she told me something and I swore otherwise. I’m not delusional; I know the fault surely lies with me.

But it scares me.

For as acutely aware as I am of my ridiculousness, I am so addicted that I fear I can’t change it. (Of course as I re-read this I know I can. It’s just a matter of willpower.)

I know that it’s bad for me and there are better ways to spend my time, but it’s so damn entertaining.

Oh, you!

The reason I don’t watch movies often is because I try to avoid mindless entertainment. Why then do I find it so freaking easy to get lost in Youtube for hours and hours on end?

I no longer have anything to procrastinate from except for starting my real life. It’s time to cut the ethernet cables and unplug the wireless adapter and live a little. Maybe when I don’t have Google calendar reminding me of what I need to do and Facebook reminding me who I care about, I’ll find out what’s really important to me.

  1. Great honest post. I don’t often hear this spoken about, yet we all know *exactly* what you’re talking about. Which is evidence that this should be aired.

    I think part of the revelation lies, oddly, in people’s guiltiness; we feel guilty for spending more time on, say, Facebook, than we know is productive, so we don’t mention it or play it down. This in turn encourages everyone else to play it down to one another…not admitting the true extent of their use. So we are all, in a sense, leading secret lives, digitally. Very sci-fi.

    As a life-style changing force, the internet is so new, we are still pretty blind to its effect on our flesh-and-blood lives. Worth discussing and writing about. Thanks! TC

    • I agree with you completely. No-one wants to admit what forces technology and the internet are in our lives.
      Thanks for commenting and checking out my blog– It means a lot to me. :)

    • Erin
    • October 6th, 2011

    I’m learning that I have to choose to limit what I’ll allow on the ‘net. If I just let it be a free for all I’ll sit here all day clicking from link to link to link. And what for? I don’t come away more knowledgeable, a better person, or with more ability to live a meaningful life. Normally what happens is I end the day with mind-blowing frustration because I’m STILL working, but sometimes that’s because I’ve been doing everything but working. So I’m figuring out what really benefits me on the internet and doing only those things – work, limited entertainment, shopping. I don’t find the internet conducive to peaceful living. And the way it pulls me in so I don’t hear the people I love – I HATE that!
    And now…..since I haven’t been working because I’ve been typing this comment — it’s time to resist the pull of the ‘net and get back to work.

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