Everyone is my Best Friend. Or not.

I have an issue. My personality is weird, and I can’t figure me out. I love the company of people some days, and other days I want to hide in my room and not see anyone.

I’m an outgoing introvert.

Some days, I feel like this:

I love you, world! Don't you love me?!

But other days, I’m more like this:

I only like me.

Apparently, I’m unable to find a happy medium, that preferable state of social neutrality.

I feel like people (socializing, other humans, etc.) are the fire on a cool night. I get annoyed by all the smoke, so I go sit far away, on the other side of the campground. But then I get scared of bears in the darkness and rush back to the fire, only to get too close and get smoke in my eyes again, so then I stomp off into the night again to gaze at the stars.

I’m beginning to notice this sort of pattern in a lot of different areas in my life– maybe I’m bi-polar?

Whether or not that’s the case, I feel sorry for the people in my life sometimes. If I don’t talk to you or see you for a while, I promise it’s nothing personal; I’m simply tired of humanity.

Also, before you mention it,when I’m off by myself it’s not because I’m unhappy, as my crude doodle may suggest. Oftentimes I’m at my happiest when I’m alone writing, singing, or just dreaming. I find peace alone that I can never find in company.

However, I find joy with company that I only rarely find alone.

I suppose the key to social neutrality is simply calming the heck down and not being such a spazoid all the time.

But… Where’s the fun in that?

    • Robin
    • September 16th, 2011

    I am almost exactly the same. I’m far less spazzy now than when I was young but there are still days when the presence of humans just BOTHERS me.

    There are days when the checker at the grocery store can say, “Have a nice day.” and I want to bark, “Don’t tell me what to do.”


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